16 May 2015
Talk To The Handjob
“She'll be my first wank specialist”-Photo Courtesy of Fantasy Massage
I have come to a conclusion. I think the world would be a better place if there were such a thing as a handjob station. That way, guys who felt sexually frustrated could just head down to this little station, get a little wank and not have to worry about getting a disease from their Fantasy Massage.
Okay, I know that a lot of you guys are probably going to tell me that those places do exist; That all you have to do is head down to that Russian chick who lives downtown and runs that alternative health clinic or head to the red-light district and visit that Thai massage parlor. I know these places exist—I'm not stupid. I know that happy ending parlors and rub and tug rackets exists all over the world. I'm not talking about those. I am talking about something that would be legal and regulated by the state. You walk in, choose the set of hands you want to wank you off, pay a little dough and in ten minutes you are out of there. No fuss and almost no muss. Now that's my idea of a Fantasy Massage.
I mean let's face it facts; if you don't have a woman to sleep with on a regular basis, then you are pretty much left with wanking it in the privacy of your home. Which is fine most of the time. But there are times when you just want the feel of another human being on your cock. It doesn't seem so sad and lonely that way.
It would be something that would be easier to regulate if you ask me. You only have to check the chick's hands for things that can be transmitted by touch—such as jock itch—and if necessary you could require them to wear gloves. Where is the fucking downside people? And I already have a name for it. I would call it a Stop and Wank (which by the way, I am coining this phrase right now. If handjobs ever become legal, I'm starting my own shop.)
Of course, the government is not going to let us have that kind of service. Not in my lifetime anyway. It would feel to good to us guys and would probably make us happier people. The government can't be having shit like that. If we live happier lives, then what's going to happen next? We are all going to start living longer and then the world is just going to be too crowded. They can't have that either.
I guess that I will just have to be content with watching Tug Jobs and pulling on my own dick. Which isn't a bad deal not that I think about it. It isn't that expensive, I don't have to make small talk with some chick I just met and I don't have to worry about going home with jock itch dick. I guess that it all works out in the end. Until next time, be safe out there and remember: your dick needs love once in awhile too.
Read an honest independent review of Fantasy Massage here.
Posted by David
